


this kind of life keeps breaking your heart

by Kingscunt, OnFrailMyths (Kingscunt)



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, Pining, Post V-Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 09:04:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11620353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingscunt/pseuds/Kingscunt, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingscunt/pseuds/OnFrailMyths
Summary: Harry knows something's up. He's tired of being nothing but a sex object to Eggsy.





	this kind of life keeps breaking your heart

**Author's Note:**

> so uh, this was built on my drabble i posted on tumblr called desperately in love. 
> 
> im so sorry my next fic will be nothing but tooth rotting fluff i promise
> 
> kingscunt.tumblr.com

For Harry, Eggsy is his world. He’s the one person that he fully trusts and the one person he never gets tired of waking up to. The younger man is like a breath of fresh air - from the moment Harry laid his eyes on Eggsy he knew he was in love.

Harry spoils Eggsy. He takes him out for meals at the most expensive restaurants in London, buys him anything he wants, takes him on five star holidays whenever the two have time off of work.

There is nothing better to him than waking up next to Eggsy’s snores and coming home to the boy passed out on the sofa with JB snoozing on his lap.

All of that is bliss.

But the aching in Harry’s heart grows stronger every day.

For him, Eggsy is his other half, his life and soul, his everything.

For Eggsy, Harry is simply a fill in. A fill in that has a lot of money.

It hasn’t always been like that. At first, Eggsy made every effort to spend as much time with Harry. He would snuggle with Harry every chance he was given and, well, Harry’s phone would never stop buzzing with the amount of texts he’d get from him.

In the last few months, the time Eggsy spends with him has dwindled. The texts are almost non existent - the only texts are late at night, when the younger man wants a fuck, or when Harry texts him first. Eggsy flirts with the other men in the HQ, right in front of his eyes.

He clings on, desperately hoping that maybe, just maybe, things might change, might go back to normal. That Eggsy will want him again, not just see him as someone to pass the time with until someone better comes along.

But really, he doesn’t blame him. Who would love an old man with one eye?

Harry certainly wouldn’t.

It’s late at night when Harry’s phone buzzes. He’s still awake anyway, watching some re run of an old show, drinking a nice whiskey to calm his nerves from an operation he had come back from just a couple of days ago.

Of course it’s Eggsy. He smiles at the name flashed up on his screen, trying to ignore the aching feeling in his chest.

The smile is quickly wiped away when it’s another text just wanting sex.

He’s not good enough. He never will be, apparently.

_Not tonight, Eggsy. I'm tired, and I'm in pain. You're more than welcome to come over - could do with the company._ He replies. 

Maybe Eggsy will still come over, show him the love and affection he so desperately craves. That's all he wants, for him to tell Harry he loves him like he used to. To show he cares. 

To show that he's worth more than a quick fuck.

The phone buzzes again. 

_Sorry, love. Somethings come up, not gonna be able to make it. Another time, yeah?_

Of course. Of fucking course. Harry sets his phone on silent, and wipes the solitary tear that rolls down his cheek. 

 

Harry rolls out of bed, with one of the worst headaches he's ever had the misfortune to suffer with. The migraines were awful on the best of days and he's got used to them, really. Nothing a couple of painkillers can't fix. 

The sound of birds and traffic come through his window. It's calming - he couldn't ever live in the country. Much too quiet. 

Harry picks up his phone to check his texts. A couple from Merlin, making sarcastic comments about whether he'll be taking another sick day. Fucker. One from Roxy, reporting that she'd finished her paperwork and left it on his desk. But none from Eggsy. 

He sighs with defeat, and goes to get ready for work. 

 

Being at the Kingsman HQ feels like torture. Being an agent was Harry's life, and now he's forced to be a desk boy. He hates it, oh, God, he hates it. What he'd give to be able to get back on the field.

He often finds himself day dreaming. The good old days... The days when him and Merlin were fresh recruits, showing that they had more potential than most other recruits. He finds himself day dreaming about Eggsy. He day dreams about the life he actually lived, and didn't just exist, like now. 

His face contorts with anger as he slams the lid of his laptop down, more forcefully than he might of wanted to.

_Going for a walk_ , he texts Merlin. He bumps into Eggsy as he walks out of the shop. 

"Hey Haz, you alright?" Eggsy says. He looks awkward - his suit creased and his hair a little messy. 

"Yes, yes, quite fine. Another headache, but I suppose they're just part of life now, really." He smooths his own suit, hoping his doesn't look quite as bad as Eggsy's. "What came up last night? Are you alright?"

Eggsy shuffles, looking at the floor. "Yeah, uh... Just had to go to my mums. Dais' ain't well." There's a tone of guilt in his voice, and Harry can't quite figure out why. 

"Do you need anything? I can always go and get your mum whatever she needs, Eggsy. Just let me know." He knows he sounds pathetic, but anything to feel like he's part of his other half's life. 

"No, no, it's fine, love. Honestly, it's probably just a cold."

"Very well. Are you still coming out for dinner next week? I was thinking of booking some tickets to the theatre, if you like." 

"I dunno, Haz. I think I'm going to France, we got some intelligence come through and I think I'll be posted there. I'm really sorry," Eggsy replies, a little too quickly. And with that, he leaves Harry standing on the doorstep.

A city of eight million people, and he's never felt so alone. 

 

Later that night, Harry is curled up on the sofa, a nice wine in one hand and one of his favourite books in the other. He can't help feeling a little pissed off when he's disturbed by Merlin's call. 

"Hello, Merlin."

"Hi, Harry. Just calling to check you're alright."

"Yes, I'm fine, just a little upset, I suppose."

"What's up? More headaches? Kids making a scene outside the house again?"

"Very funny. No, Eggsy cancelled on the dinner. I suppose at least I didn't book the tickets to that theatre I was telling you about."

"But it's your birthday dinner, Harry. Ah, I'm sorry to hear that. If I had the night off, I would more than happily go with you. Did he say why?"

"You bloody know why. He's going on field, isn't he? I know work comes first and all, but bloody hell Merlin, you do like to make my life miserable."

"What are you talking about? Eggsy's not going anywhere for a few weeks."

That lying bastard. Harry sits there in silence, trying not to jump to silly paranoid conclusions. Sure, Eggsy had been acting a little weird recently, especially earlier on, but... Was he cheating on Harry? 

"Harry, are you there?"

"I need to go, Merlin. See you tomorrow."

Don't get paranoid. Don't get so fucking paranoid. 

 

After a long, sleepless night, Harry decides to play it cool, and not mention what Eggsy had lied about. It kills him inside, and the many possibilities about *why* he may of lied eat away inside him. 

He carries on at work, the same, soulless paperwork that never seems to have an end. God, how he longs to be in the field for one more day. He never thought his life would end up like this. 

A dead end job, a dead end relationship. No friends. Well, there's Merlin, but Harry's known him so long that he counts more as family.

Every single thought he has eventually comes back to Eggsy. His one true love, the one person he can finally open up to. Everyone knows Harry is a VERY closed book, but with Eggsy he can talk about anything. In fact, he loves the younger man more than he's loved anyone else.

It kills him. He knows Eggsy doesn't exactly feel the same way. But the thought of him cheating?

He looks up from the laptop to see Eggsy standing in the doorway. 

"Eggsy."

"Hey, Haz." Eggsy slumps on the chair, and winks cheekily. "You ain't been texting me. Wot's going on?"

Harry glues his eyes to the laptop, hoping to not make any awkward eye contact. Shit. He didn't want to talk about this now. 

"There's a lot in my mind right now, Eggsy. Now, I have a lot of work to do, so I'll speak to you later."

"Fuck the work, maybe I can help you take your mind off things." Eggsy whispers, throwing his shit jacket over the chair. He runs Harry's shoulders, undoes his shirt buttons. 

He wants the attention, but not like this. But fuck, it feels so good. Bittersweet.

No. He can't do it. 

"Eggsy," he says, a little more stern than he hoped, but fuck it. "What do you want from me?"

"Well, I was hoping I could bend you over, but you don't fucking sound like you want to."

"No, I mean, what do you want from me, relationship wise? I'm trying, I love you, so much, but recently it seems like I'm nothing more than a fuckbuddy to you." 

"You fucking joking right now? You think that's all I want from you?" Eggsy snatches the jacket off the chair, and kicks it over. Anger confronts his face - the same sort of anger from that awful argument they had before V-Day. "Do you know what? If that's what you think I'm like, fucking do one, mate. I ain't having that." He storms out, slamming the door behind him. The anger in his voice slices through Harry. 

He wasn't expecting that. 

 

The next few days, Harry relentlessly texts Eggsy, trying to smooth things over. No response. Whenever he sees the younger man in the corridor, or in the HQ, he's met by a steely gaze and silence. It hurts, it hurts so much. 

He didn't want any of this. 

Joy rushes through him when eventually, Eggsy replies. 

_Im sorry, love. Didn't mean to blow up like that. Just hurt to be accused of being like that. You should know me better than that, Haz, you know how much I love you. Left you a present in your locker, would have given it to you but I'm off on that operation I told you about. Happy birthday, I'll see you when I'm home. Love you._

_Ps, told Merlin to get today off work so he can go to that theatre with you. At least you have someone to go with._

He smiles until he realises Eggsy is still lying about being on field. His phone buzzed again, and he almost ignores it until he realises who it's from. 

_Harry, I got the night off work. Come to mine for a couple of drinks, I have a plan._

 

Harry forgot how incredibly nerdy Merlin's flat was. Plastic figurines of TV show characters cover the flat, and the vast computer setup he has is way over the top. 

"Nice you could make it, old man. Where's your wheelchair?" Merlin scoffs.

"It's a walking stick, not a fucking wheelchair. And you know why I use it."

"Oooh, don't whack me with it."

"Keep on taking the piss and I'll have no choice," Harry says, easing himself into one of the desk chairs. "Nice whiskey, by the way. I didn't know you had such good taste."

"Well, you don't know me well enough." Merlin presses the button on the monitor. "Now, the reason you're here is because I've messed around with the settings on Eggsy's glasses. Even when he turns the tracking off, it's still on, he just doesn't know it. Which means... We know where he is."

"Sounds incredibly stalker-ish, Merlin."

"Do you want to get down to the bottom of this or not?" Merlin asks. "Exactly. Let me get the tracker up..."

He taps on the computer as Harry watches, confused by all the technology. He's nervous - tonight, he'll find out what exactly is going on. Maybe he IS just paranoid. But he still can't get rid of the sinking feeling in his stomach. 

"Oh, that's where the bugger is."

"Sorry?"

"He's at your house."

Merlin stands up, and throws on his jacket. He motions for Harry to get up. Relief rushes through him. How silly Harry was to think that Eggsy would do anything behind his back. He imagines the scene, Eggsy planning a surprise for him, maybe a party? He'll make it up to him, a million times over.

"Come on mate, looks like he's throwing you a party."

 

"Why are all the lights off?"

"They're probably hiding, waiting for you."

"The bedroom light is on, Merlin."

"Who knows. Maybe he's lying there naked for you. Go on, open the door."

Harry fumbles for his key, and after missing the lock so many times (thanks, shaky hands), he finally manages to silently open the door. 

"Wait here, Merlin." Harry whispers, "I have a bad feeling about this." 

He creeps up the stairs, ever so lightly, cautiously avoiding the squeaky boards that haven't been fixed. He hears Eggsy's voice, and strangely enough, another man's voice. He doesn't recognise the other voice. 

He swings open the door, to find the worst scenario he could of possibly thought of. 

Eggsy lay in his bed naked, spread apart with another man on top. The two hadn't even realised Harry was standing there. Eggsy lets out a massive moan, clinging onto the velvet sheets.

"Eggsy?"

The two stop, and Eggsy snaps round, looking like a rabbit caught in headlights. 

"Fuck, Harry, I can explain-"

"Get out." 

"Harry, please-"

"Get out of my house in the next five seconds or I swear to god, Eggsy, you will regret it."

He turns round to the unknown man. "And who are you?"

"I'm Josh," he whispers, fear in his voice. "I'm so sorry, I thought he was single." 

Finally, Harry snaps. He grabs him by the throat, and breaks the other boys nose. "Fuck you. Both of you, out, now. Eggsy, I don't want to see you again. I can't explain how much you've hurt me."

Eggsy scrambles to get his clothes on, and runs out, tears streaming down his face. The other boy doesn't even bother grabbing his shirt - he pulls his trousers up, and sprints out the house, in fear of getting another punch. 

Harry collapses on the bed, and breaks down.

He was right. He wasn't good enough.


End file.
